Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? Money, right?
That’s what most people say.
Of course, relationships are complex and the bottom line reasons for a marriage failure can vary, but it seems that couples and money issues are a source of many marriage conflicts whether they end the marriage or not.
What can couples do to help prevent money problems in marriage?
If You Talk About Anything
Couples getting ready to marry should make sure that part of their premarital preparation includes a discussion of money.
Both the bride and the groom have certain ingrained attitudes, viewpoints and practices regarding money. These are habits, and largely come from the family of origin.
While the couple’s use of money won’t match up exactly, they should at least understand the other person’s approach to money, and be able to merge the two in their marriage – as well as live with some differences.
One example that comes to mind is a couple where the husband was very much a saver. His wife on the other hand loved to give people gifts. She loved to give everybody gifts! You can imagine the conflicts this created.
It’s not that the husband didn’t want to give anyone anything, but as he saw it, his wife would soon have them in the poor house. They had to figure how she could give gifts at times without him resenting it.
On the other hand, while many of the jokes about spending money revolve around women and money, the truth is that it’s not always her. Often it’s the husband who spends too much money. Like the husband who went out and brought himself a new truck without even so much as consulting his wife!
These are real issues that arise in real marriages and again the reason why a couple should explore as much as possible their differences and expectations regarding the handling of money in marriage.
A couple could get started by just discussing what they would do if they got some large wedding money gifts. Both must be completely honest, and evaluate together their thinking about the use of money.
The online marriage preparation course has more premarital counseling questions for exploring a couple’s perspectives on financial matters.
A Plan for Success
While often it is either the husband or the wife that is inclined to handle the couple’s finances, it is vital that they agree on a plan and how they will achieve their financial goals. Below are some suggestions in some basic areas to help keep marriage relationships and money on an even keel.
- Don’t Budge on Having a Budget: Budgets are not a kill joy as some think. A budget is simply a way of establishing goals and helping yourself to stick to the plan. Impulse buying can get a couple, and possibly their marriage in trouble in a hurry. You can certainly have some discretionary income to spend set aside within the budget – but know what your dreams are, such as buying a house, or paying off school debt, and let your budget keep you on course.
Couples can use this free printable budget worksheet to get started.
- Save for the Storm: This should be one of the first things you do as a couple. Financial storms can come unexpectedly and not due to anyone’s fault. The loss of a job of course is at the top of the list. Everyone needs enough money to get them through a lean time. Money problems and worry about money creates stress, and that stress can wear on a relationship. One person may start blaming the other, and things are said which are later regretted.
The best way to deal with a problem is to prevent it in the first place. Financial stresses may be prevented by good planning and preparation.
- Run Away from Charging: That is, avoid using credit. Of course, buying a house is an exception and maybe even the purchase of a car. Though I think we all would be better off if we could go back to a previous generation’s way of doing things financially. My grandfather hardly ever borrowed money at all. He did so to buy his house, but then paid it off as quickly as he could. And he didn’t buy a car until he had the money saved up to pay cash! Maybe most will not want to go that far, or feel that they can. But beware of the financial hole that borrowing can get you into. Credit card debt especially is notorious for doing people in.
While you may have a credit card for convenience, the general rule is to never use credit cards to live beyond your means, and always pay in full your credit card balance when the monthly bill comes due.
For humor break, and really some of the best financial advice ever, watch the Saturday Night Live skit “Don’t Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford” below.
Conclusion
Despite best efforts, most couples will face money challenges no matter how hard they work to avoid them. As with many things, the couple should try to focus on the problem at hand and how to fix it, rather than argue incessantly about the problem. In more serious cases, that may mean seeking out professional debt counseling, or even marriage counseling.
Note: Christian couples may also want to explore the question of “what does the bible say about money?” The bible has a wealth of valuable information (pun intended) about money. The book of Proverbs especially is filled with sage advice regarding money issues. Here are a few select examples to get you started: Proverbs 6:6-8; 21:5; 22:3,9; 25:28; 22:7,26-27: 28:20,27.
